Borrowed Time

My oldest turned 18 during his senior year of high school and from that moment I felt like I was on borrowed time.

Did I teach him everything I wanted him to know?

Was it enough?

Did he listen when I was trying to teach him?

Was my message clear?

Will he be OK when out in the world?

Did I do a good job raising him?

Does he know how much I love him?

I cannot help but think that I am unbelievably blessed. My friends are texting and Snapchatting with their college freshmen and I get to see mine every day.

I still feel like I am on borrowed time. It hit me harder when he turned 19 last year; this year, he turns 20. Yikes.

I want to let go (and I think I've been doing a good job doing so) but I also want to hang on so tightly to him. I am pretty sure I did not teach everything I want him to know yet and what I have taught him wasn't enough. I am positive my message was not clear and even if it was, I do not believe he listened all the time. (Are you really hearing someone when you roll your eyes?) I pray I did a good job raising him and aside from telling him how much I love him, I hope I show him how much he means to me.