No Rest for the Weary

  As you know, we started our homeschooling year later than public school; after Labor Day, but that was to finish up some stuff from 8th grade. It was mid October before we started 9th grade. I did not schedule any breaks into the schedule this year and it runs through the end of June. I did this for a manageable schedule each day. If he saw pages of assignments for any of his classes, he would be overwhelmed.

  Recently, I told him if he wants a break, he can work ahead so he can take a few days and not get too far behind. He seemed OK with this request.

  I'm finding that I'm not OK with this request since it means that I, too, do not get a break. How did I miss that aspect?! No clue but I'm rolling with it. He seems to be doing well with the program and since I am doing my record keeping a bit differently this year, I have less busy work which is great!

  This is what I enjoy most about homeschooling - if something isn't working, I change it and we move on. Well, this is what I'm enjoying most this year. Last year was very stressful for both of us. This year, I have a new outlook and attitude. And, I have to say, thank goodness for my Passion Planner! I started using it in fall 2015 when I started homeschooling. 2017 will be my third year (2nd full year) and I'm so grateful for it.

  Regarding Math - I ordered a second-hand Teaching Textbook for Algebra I. He looked it over and likes the Painless Math better but we're going to go over it together to see what's what. We're going to start Algebra 1 with the Teaching Textbook in January.

  My new record keeping system - The program he uses is Time 4 Learning which checks off assignments on the calendar as he finishes them. Last year, I was printing it out a week at a time and checking what he did plus the date and writing down the grade he got. I did this mostly because I felt as though I needed to prove that I was doing something which is silly because of course I was! I helped him when he needed help, encouraged when he needed it, expressed my displeasure when I needed to, etc. In addition to all of this, I was also wasting a lot of time in the name of proving to anyone who questioned me that I was involved and engaged in my son's education. I thought by printing everything out, I was doing enough when really, I was doing enough by being there when he needed me.

  T4L has grading reports available so I'm no longer writing them on the printed calendar week of assignments. I'm no longer checking them off with a date either since again, it's all included in the grading report. I only print when the week is completed. The only thing I print out as he does them is his Odyssey Writer assignments. This is making it much easier on me and he can still go at his own pace. If there are gaps, I talk to him about them and we look to see where the disconnect is. It's working for us. I think we're both more relaxed this year.

Learning Curve

  In another post I mentioned that my youngest was annoyed with me when we took a trip by plane two weeks after he could not get himself on the plane with his brother. We were taking a longer trip than the flight out to Vegas and it was not like anyone was going to be there to take him if he could not make himself get on the plane. It also was not a cheap flight. We paid my in-laws the $100 for the flight to Vegas he missed but we did not have the money to lose on the one we took two weeks later because it was not only his ticket that we would lose money on. One of us would have to stay behind with him. He absolutely needed to make that flight so we saw the psychologist right after he missed the flight to visit the in-laws and talked about the Rx needed to calm his nerves. We had less than 14 days for him to take the meds; hopefully that was enough to get him on the plane. That was an anxious two weeks for all of us.

  Hindsight is wonderful, isn't it? Now I can see that we had nothing to worry about. He would not have been frozen and not able to get on the plane with us but at the time, I did not know that. I kept asking how he was and I think I made him more nervous than anything. He was fine to get on that plane because my husband and I were with him. It likely would have only taken one of us to be with him for him to be OK. Lesson learned.

  I do not have social anxiety, at least, not to the extent my son has it. I am what I consider 'normal nervous' before doing something new. I can sit in a restaurant by myself and eat and read. The first time I did it, I hated it but I am used to it now so it does not bother me. I made myself do it in the first place so I was in control. Maybe that is why I can continue to do it and even enjoy it. I had always admired people sitting in cafes reading their book while sipping on their coffee. They looked so relax, so peaceful. I wanted to be relaxed and peaceful!

  Walking into a new job, a classroom, a new restaurant, exercise class by yourself is nerve wracking even for people who are normal nervous but for someone with social anxiety, it is paralyzing. The only one from that list that cannot be done with a buddy is walking into a new job and quite possibly the classroom. My son will be taking driver's ed soon so my goal for him is to be able to walk into the class each week and get it done. We can work on the new job another time although I think he would be fine with that. Most of his aversion to doing things he does not want to do seems to center around school BUT he does want his license and he wants it at 16 to show up his brother (who did not go get his until almost 18) so that might be the motivation he needs to get himself to class. Wish us luck!  

Learning vs Memorizing

  Over the summer my youngest and I had to go to my mom's to help her with something. Some creosote oil my dad had in the garage had corroded the can it was sitting in and leaked all over a dolly and got on her floor. I know, big deal, it's on the floor, it's the garage, who cares? Well, her floor had been surfaced earlier this year with a non-stick coating (to make it safer for her in the winter time when the concrete sweats and is slippery) and she was worried about the finish. Frankly, so was I.

  As we were on our way over, I was explaining to my son what happened.

  S: "Why does Grandma even have that? It's not like she has any railroad ties at the house."

  Me: "How do you know what creosote oil is for?"

  S: "Well Mom, that's the funny thing about homeschooling. I actually learn stuff."

  Well, who da thunk it? He learned something. Imagine that! He went on to talk about how all he did in public school was memorize stuff for tests only to forget it so he could memorize different stuff for the next test. I smiled the whole time he talked. I couldn't help it! My choice to homeschool had been validated!

  I have always said public education is education for the masses. As a parent, it is my responsibility to educate my child as best I can. If you do not believe what your child is learning in school is enough, then either supplement it or put him in private school. And even private school is not guaranteed to be a great education so your best bet is to supplement in my opinion. Not everyone can afford Sylvan or Kumon which is fine - go to the library. Find a book on something your child likes and do a whole unit on it. Draw it. Write about it. Talk about it. Since my kids got good grades in school, I assumed they were learning what they needed but summers were another story. Some summers we went to the library and checked out books to read. I didn't make them do any work, just read and they both like to read so it was not a struggle. One summer they both did workbooks. They hated it. Guaranteed neither of them retained any of that information.

  Teachers are not meant to teach your child everything but so many parents expect them to. Talk to a teacher but ask them to be honest with their answers because if you don't, you will hear a bunch of I love what I do. I love the kids. It's so rewarding. I get summers off! If you ask for the truth, you will find that parents are the hardest part of their job and while I'm sure it has, to some extent, always been this way, it seems like it is much worse today.

  I am happy my youngest is retaining information he has learned. Has he learned it all from this homeschooling program? No. Some he has learned from his brother and some he has actually learned from the video games he plays. Proud gamer mom right here.

Sense of Purpose

  I had mentioned previously that I am lacking a sense of purpose at my job. I struggle daily with going to work because I am not at home to school my child. If I take a day off to school my child, I feel uneasy because I know I have to return to work.

  It's exhausting.

  I like going to work because I like the people I work with and I enjoy being with people in general. The company I work for has integrity, they are generous and we have fun. It is amazing to be proud for the company you work for. I have worked for many that I have not been proud of.

  That said, my sense of purpose at work, my identity crisis if you will, is making it really difficult to wake up every morning with a smile on my face. I do like having a job. I like working full time and bringing money into the household. I wish my job could be teaching at home though and therein lies my struggle. I want to be creative. I want to teach. I want to feel like I am making a difference.

  I could do my current full time job from home (most days) but this company does not like to function in that way. The only time people work from home is in bad weather and even that is frowned upon. They would prefer you just take the day off. Their time off policy is generous for this very reason.

  Prior to starting homeschooling (even prior to thinking about it), I had been slowly working on getting myself into a position where I do not need to go to work every day in order to be able to do my current job. Right now, I can do it all via email, phone and the Internet and would only need to come in a couple days a week. I am unsure how to approach my company about it so I have not said anything. Yet. I am hoping an opportunity will arise soon.

  My workday is from 7:30a-4:30p. The rest of my team (and the other half of the company) gets in at 8a. In the 30 minutes prior to them arriving I get as much done as I do in about two hours with everyone being in the building. The phone is ringing (internal and external calls), people stop by my desk to ask questions, the team has chats about work stuff (and sometimes not work stuff)... I do not mind the interruptions but I have found that I get to the end of my day exhausted and I have not completed one task! I have been busy working on helping others and while I love helping others, I need to get my own work done.

  If I were home, I would obviously be available via phone, email, text and even Instant Messenger so I think it would be beneficial to everyone. I am the go-to person for many things in my company (I even won an award for being a go-to person lol) but I think if I were not there (and I am going to try to say this gently), people would stop and think or refer to their notes before they called me on something they likely already know the answer to.

  As much as I love the drop in's and quick question phone calls that give me little breaks throughout the day, I think most of that could be eliminated if people thought before they reached for the phone or took a walk to come see me. I have gone on a field trip to ask someone a question so I am no stranger to wanting to get out of my chair but it is distracting. Like I said, I am not getting my work done which means I start to lose momentum and when I lose momentum, I lack motivation to get anything done. It is a really long day when you do not want to start anything new and are just waiting around for people to call you or drop by to keep you busy.

  Since I implemented my mostly electronic work day, I have saved the company more than a couple reams of paper, boxes of staples, pens and toner (the toner for the printer at my company is $400 a pop). Might not seem like much but the incidentals of running a business add up. All of this I plan on mentioning in my annual review next May. I hope to minimize my footprint there. If I reduce it enough they might not oppose my desire to work from home and give me a shot at it. I may not be successful working from home. It might fail miserably and they will see me there every day after a week. I will not know unless I am given the chance to try it.

I'm a Homeschool Reference!

  A friend of mine asked me about homeschooling about a month ago (what program do you use, how to track grades, how many hours do they work on schoolwork, etc.) and I was delighted to share my experience!

  Seems their child is going through some of what my youngest went through including attending the same hospital program. Their saving grace is that this is happening early in the school year and they have me. =)

  I gave advice (solicited for once!) on the program I use and how I ran things for 8th grade and how I am running things for 9th. It was fun to talk about it but also a little nerve-wracking... I take homeschooling seriously but I did not want to give the impression that the way I am doing it is the only way. And, the first year, I gave A LOT of leeway to my son and I have a feeling it came off as me being too easy on him. More importantly, I did not want them to think that just because it is working for us that it will work for them.

  I absolutely hope it does work for them. There are many special circumstances in their situation which I do not have in mine so the program I am using would be the easiest for them to implement with everything they have going on; BUT, homeschooling is fluid (as I was reminded by my homeschool reference) and you have to be OK with changing things that are not working for you or your child.

  I wish them the best and hope they can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Socialization (Here Comes The Hives)

  Do you remember when I mentioned that the word socialization gives me hives? Well, I have taken a Benadryl so here goes...

  Socialization per the Encyclopedia Britannica:

Socialization, the process whereby an individual learns to adjust to a group (or society) and behave in a manner approved by the group (or society). According to most social scientists, socialization essentially represents the whole process of learning throughout the life course and is a central influence on the behaviour, beliefs, and actions of adults as well as of children. 

  Psychologically, your feelings will either inhibit or promote your socialization (yep, breaking out that undergrad knowledge, thank you very much). For instance, if you are fearful of large groups, it is unlikely going to The Taste of Chicago is something you would consider even if it does take place in the greatest city in the world (yeah, I am partial). Walking around with 1.4 million people does not appeal to me and I do not have a fear of large groups but for someone who gets jumpy in a group larger than 20 people, the thought of 1.4 million is likely paralyzing.

  Emotions play a large part in socialization. My oldest son does not like school but he goes because that is what you do. He wants a good job with good benefits so he can move forward. The best way to get that good job is education. When faced with an unfamiliar situation, even when it is unexpected, he knows he can do it and if he does not know what to do, he asks for help. He has confidence. My kids were supposed to fly on their own to my in-laws last year. Because my youngest was only 13, my husband was allowed to accompany them both to the gate. My youngest could not make himself get on that plane so my oldest went alone. Obviously, he was nervous but he did it without issue and since he was old enough to fly by himself anyway, my in-laws were unable to accompany him to the gate on their end so he had to do it by himself from security.

  My youngest was unable to fly because of fear. He knows his brother would not let anything happen to him and if he were traveling with him to get to us or to get to his grandmother, he would have no problems getting on the plane. Because he had not flown nor seen the in-laws in many years, his fear kept him off the plane. The comfort of knowing he would be with his brother was not enough to get him on the plane and that is OK. His brother was bummed but he still enjoyed his trip. Had their grandfather not been out there already, who knows, he might have gotten on the plane but to be with people he has not seen in many years and does not know (even though they are family) in addition to being with a person he finds difficult made him too anxious to fly. He got on a plane without issue two weeks later when our family took a trip. He was completely annoyed with me the whole time but that is another story.

  My youngest knows how to behave in society. He opens doors for me and others, he is polite, he engages in conversation if spoken to, he can order his own meal when we are in a restaurant, he and his brother go places together and engage with shopkeepers, cashiers, etc. I get compliments galore on what a wonderful young man he is. The idea that he is missing something by not attending public school is absurd to me and I will explain why.

  The alleged benefits of public school are that kids learn to relate to different personality types. It is said (by Scholastic) that working through disagreements on the playground or at the lunch table helps negotiation skills, problem-solving abilities and self-control. All of this is true unless your child is bullied (really bullied not just the normal garbage kids do to each other at school) or otherwise subject to many conflicts while in school (teachers and administrators can be bullies too - unfortunately, we have experienced that firsthand).  Bullied kids and those who cannot seem to avoid conflict do not socialize, they exist until they can go home. In addition, kids who attend public school are introduced to drugs, sex and pornography. How is this helpful to my child? Outside of school, our kids will interact with people of all ages - people at restaurants, stores, church, family functions, etc. My child functions fine in these situations and behaves in a manner approved by the group which leads me to believe he is socialized.

  Whew, I feel better now. Thanks for 'listening'. =)

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  I have read many articles on the subject over the years. This link will lead you to one I have read most recently and have used information from in my blog post. It's a pretty neat site overall so check it out.
http://oureverydaylife.com/school-impacts-childs-socialization-16255.html

Permission To Drop It

  Yesterday was a struggle with math so I told my son he only needed to finish up pre-algebra with the program we have and I would find a non-common core algebra curriculum for 9th grade. He counted up the amount of work he had to do and was bummed to find out how much he had left with only two weeks to do it. I mentioned he knew since the first day of school he had math to finish and he chose to only focus on science and leave all the math until last. He dragged his feet with the science too - can we say, Pro-CRAS-tin-ation (it's split up like that because I am hearing Sponge Bob in my head saying it like he said, "I-MAGE-in-ation" and yes, I am also picturing the hand movements in my head).

  I have a friend who is homeschooling all three of her kids, and has been for a while now; she is my main go-to person for homeschooling. I asked what math she uses - Teaching Textbooks. Pricey but she says they are worth it. I am going to look into other options but this remains my first choice because I know someone using it successfully. 

  Since my youngest went to bed early last night and was clearly down about math, I asked my friend her opinion on something that was bugging me - should I make him finish pre-algebra or move on?

  I was not sure what to expect from her because I really did not know what to do. Am I failing him in some way by not making him finish what he started? Am I missing the point of homeschooling by not allowing him to move forward and try something else when one thing is clearly not working for him? I was truly stuck! Her response? "Move on. If the program isn't working, don't fall down that rabbit hole. If he's frustrated, it is not helping him. He's not learning so it's time to be done." I looked at my screen in disbelief. She gave me permission to drop it even though it was not finished and there was no judgment there (not that I thought there would be from her).

  I read so many books on homeschooling and most, if not all, said to drop something if it was not working for you or for your child. Why I needed someone else to give me permission to do what I had read about and knew already, I do not know but it definitely gave me the confidence I needed to move forward. Homeschooling is not always cheap. And the thought of wasting money makes me itch so it is not odd that I wanted to stick it out even after all I have read on homeschooling. If he were in public school, he would have to finish. I have to get out of that mindset. I think what bothers me most though is my son does not think he is good at math when I know he is. He can do complex problems in his head and give the right answer. How is that not good at math? He is brilliant! Yes, I am partial but who can blame me? :)

  I have been struggling with the decision to homeschool since bringing it up in January 2015. I am a wife, a mom of two boys, a daughter, an aunt, a good friend to many, a church member, a crafter and I work full time - how can I possibly homeschool too? My list as I am thinking about it right now:

• Am I doing enough?
• Am I spending enough time with him through this?
• Is the education I am providing him good enough to advance him?
• What amount of space should I give to him?
• Is the documentation I keep sufficient?
• Would I nag him less if he was in public school?
• Am I letting him off too easy when I do not nag him?
• How much nagging is too much and can I call it something other than nagging?
• How does this change our relationship now that I am Mom and Teacher?
• Do I get him out of the house enough?
• Am I allowing him to turn into a hermit?
• Does my husband think I am doing a good job?
• What does he think of the decisions I have made?

  Given my list of insecurities and the fact that my child is struggling with something that I can fix easily (no more common core, thank you very much), it seems clear to me now that my struggle is not because he is homeschooled, but that he is no longer in public school.

  Let me explain - there are certain expectations for public school students. As a student, you need to memorize certain things in order to pass all the tests so you can move to the next grade level. Key word here is memorize. My goal for homeschooling is that my son learns and retains information for future use. What good is memorizing facts just to take a test? And who is to say that what the test is asking him to remember is the part he needs to or wants to? If he forgets what he has learned, what is the lesson? Right now, he is learning and retaining information that he can recall at a later time which was my goal.

  We have our good days and our bad days but he is learning and that is the main thing.

Year 2 Progress thus far

  Back to school!

  Since my son is not attending a class at the high school this year, there was no reason to start him based on the district's calendar so I pushed back the first day of school until the Wednesday after Labor Day. A coworker had the day after Labor Day off so I had him work on end of year tests that day to gauge where he was in math and English. On the 7th, we talked about goals for the year, his schedule for classes, etc.

  Since we did not actually finish 8th grade, I wanted him to complete the sections of science and math he was missing. He has until the middle of October. We will see where he is at then and go from there. So far, he seems to be focusing on science only which is fine. He is powering on through.

  I have seen good things so far from him already and I am excited for this school year!

 

 

Finally Finished (Sort Of)

  Ok, so technically, he did not finish 8th grade but we are done with school. He still has some math and science to complete but we will work on that in the fall. Since I had a kid in public school this year, I based the homeschool calendar on his school calendar to keep things simple. My oldest is done with school (he graduated - YAY!) so my youngest is done with school.

  It was a reeeaaaaalllllyyyy long year for both of us. Up until last month, I was not sure if he was going to public school for freshman year or not. Now that I know he is not going to public school ( I am OK with him being done. It has been so stressful not knowing what the ultimate plan was this whole time because I kept thinking I was not doing enough if he was going to go back to public school. What if he was not learning all he needed to learn? I was really worried about common core math.

  No need to worry anymore though because he will continue with home schooling. He is learning a lot and is retaining what he learns which is what I really like. The psychologist suggested that perhaps he should take a class at the high school just to get out of the house and get that experience and to our surprise my son agreed!

  I spent the better part of the last month in talks with the high school counselor and the vice principal discussing what my son would need while at school but was unable to get everything nailed down for fall (for future reference, it takes more than 4 weeks to get this nailed down especially toward the end of the school year). We'll try for 2nd semester. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy my summer. I know my son is too.